Embracing Change: Redefining Aging and Building Intergenerational Communities

Michael Hughes 00:04 Hello, and this is Mike. I’m one of the hosts of the abundant HQ podcast. Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 00:08 And this is Beth on the other host for the podcast. And I think this is the first time, Mike, that you and I have appeared together on the podcast. Michael Hughes 00:16 But it’s certainly not the last time, Beth, and we’re looking forward to some upcoming shows where you and I can really unpack some of the foundational tropes of ageism. And I think hopefully use that as a great foundation leading into our symposium in October, right? Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 00:30 Absolutely. It’ll be October 4 2020 For this year, and more information and teasing about that, in the upcoming weeks. In the meantime, we’re taking a little bit of a summer break here, and I’m going to invite you to revisit some of the fantastic conversations that we’ve had over the course of the past year or so. Michael Hughes 00:51 That’s right. So absolutely, make sure to stay tuned and listen to more of great content that you’ve already enjoyed. And please send us your ideas for future guests, future episodes, whatever you need to share, or whatever you’d like to share at abundant ag podcast.com. Looking Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 01:07 forward to hearing from you and to providing new episodes coming a little bit later this summer. Thanks all for participating and, and listening and being with us here on the abundant aging podcast. Michael Hughes 01:22 Thanks for listening, I’ll look forward to seeing you guys back in the fall. Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 01:28 If you were to name, what are the top five central ideas or values that are most important in this work that you’re doing, and that everything else kind of connects with? Elizabeth White 01:45 So we are imagining what it means to be an older person. And in some ways we are making our path by walking. I’m not my grandmother. And we have to make room for all the different paths. So there is that? What does it mean to be an older person today? And unfortunately, the whole successful aging and aging well often gets tied to how many youthful attributes? Can you manage to hang on to it? Are you still high school skinny? Do you know, can you still climb Mount Everest? Can you still? So I’m interested in it? What do we do? How would we redefine this phase of life as we’re closer to the exit than the entrance? And so that sort of curiosity is there. And that sort of welcoming of different paths and exploration of different paths and even borrowing? From what’s happening overseas? What can we learn from there? Another piece is also around the shame that gets sort of associated with not having enough money when you’re 65. And our individuality makes us look to self blaming, versus to the systemic issues, changes in the pension plan, et cetera, that have landed so many here. So I don’t want to approach what I’m doing from the deficit side. You know, you can only afford this, I want what I’m creating to be beautiful, for the talk about the benefits of coming into this new way of living. And so describing that, and holding that for people to see you don’t have to be isolated. You don’t have to be depressed, you don’t have to live in a place or in a community that you don’t feel connected to. And the last thing I would say is this focus on intergenerational. This sort of practice and tendency that we have to isolate older people to set us aside to see that we don’t have anything to contribute. I want to push back against that by creating these intergenerational communities that include a place for older people to thrive, that take into account the reality of resources, and take into account loneliness issues. So I fully see some sort of co working space in these in designing or if not there, I have a partnership with someone who’s nearby that offers some kind of discount. So those are the kinds of values that I’m bringing into this. Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 05:29 Excellent. Well, thank you very much, Elizabeth. One thing we like to do is we come to the end of our podcasts to ask our guests questions about their own experiences of aging. So may we ask this of you? Are you ready? But first, just one more thing. Before we get to those questions. How can people connect with you? How can they learn? keep abreast of what you’re doing? Is there a website or that you would like to share? Elizabeth White 06:00 Yes, New Age co living is the website. And you can reach me at Elizabeth at New Age living.com. 06:13 K, and H Elizabeth White 06:14 spelled in you UAG. Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 06:20 Thank you for that clarification. Okay, number question number one, when you think about how you have aged, what do you think has changed about you or grown with you that you really like about yourself? Elizabeth White 06:34 You know, I was with a group recently, and we were doing what we call pits and cherries, okay. For, you know, as we came out of 2023, and then came into 2024. And one of the things that struck me and I feel the same way is that these were people, they’re all in their 60s 70s 80s. Some even in their 90s. People didn’t have regrets. And it’s not because bad things had not happened. There had not been divorces, a strange bit from children, illness, etc. But everybody liked who they are today. And what they realized. And I think what we realized is that all that has happened, the beautiful and the unbeautiful has created this person that we are today. So it’s not that we like all of the bad stuff that happened. But that stuff, the challenges of overcoming and how we did what we learned, created who we are today. And that’s how I feel. So in many ways, this is the happiest time of my life. I am more grounded, more content, this period that I was when I was 40. Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 08:05 Excellent. Thank you for sharing. I love those pits and cherries. Okay. Question number two, what has surprised you the most as you’ve aged? Elizabeth White 08:20 I think it’s dealing with the physical changes. And I love Pilates. And I do it two, three times a week. And she’ll say, Okay, turn around and face the mirror, no matter how fast I think I’m going. I’m always the last one. And even when I try to turn around as fast as I can I look around, they’re all turned around. So they’re just physical things that I’m you except, and, you know, sometimes you pass a mirror or a window and you catch your reflection and you’re like, Who’s that woman there? Because in yourself, you feel like you always did. And sort of I think we’re coming into a kind of renaissance of older women, which is which is we’re in an interesting time and Boomers like we were all elbows and knees on civil rights on women’s rights on we’re all elbows and knees now on how what it means to age and we’re just not going down without a fight. So this is an interesting time I think especially to be a woman where so much is attached To our physical appearance, and we are resisting being shoved off the stage. Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 10:09 Excellent. Yep, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, here’s the last question. Is there someone that you have met or who’s been in your life that set a good example for you in aging someone that inspires you to age abundantly sweet, we talk about it around here at United Church homes. Elizabeth White 10:30 You know, there’s actually, many people, as I mentioned to you, some friends. I turned 70 in December, and some friends hosted a surprise party for me where they got in the room, friends who had been friends for decades. And these are the friends that hold me down, these are the friends that when I’m wobbly, or, you know, remember kind of what I can be and do. And we’re on a journey together, around our health, around how we’re dealing with caretaking some of our children who’ve gone off the rails, and there is for each one, I get a different thing. Later today, one is coming over when I want, you know, hardcore, total team Elizabeth, you know, battling for me, she’s the one that she’s one of the ones that I would go to. She’s also going to tell me the truth. Even if I don’t like the truth that she’s telling me and you and I, you need her, I need her. So at this stage, I’m very intentional about friendship. I make the time I do the calls, I have the coffees, I get the groups together for dinner. It’s important, and I know people and what’s happening with them, and they know what’s happening with me. And so that allows why I can’t say there’s like one person. And I can’t say that they’re all women. Some remarkable, older men who are bringing a different perspective to aging. I had a black male friend of mine say to me, that suddenly he’s not threatening that if he gets on the elevator, there was a time he’s used to women kind of clutching their purse. And now with all that gray hair, you know, I think I could push him out. So you know, and that’s a different sort of interpretation or experience of aging than somebody else might have. So Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 13:20 Yes, yeah, I love the inclusivity and the variety of folks that are around you that help you to age abundantly. Well, I want to thank you so much, Elizabeth. And I want to thank all of our listeners as well for hanging in there for this episode of The Art of aging, part of the abundant aging podcast series of United Church homes. We want to hear from you what’s changed about you as you’ve aged that you love? What surprised you most and how do you define abundant aging and who is your abundant aging influencer? Join us at abundantagingpodcast.com to share your ideas. You can also give us feedback when you visit the Ruth Ross Parker Center website at unitedchurchhomes.com. And Elizabeth tells us once again, where can people find you? Elizabeth White 14:15 You can find me at Elizabeth at nuuagecoliving.com. The website has the same name, Nuu-age. Thank you!