Aging is Not a Solo Sport

Michael Hughes 00:07
Hi, and welcome to The Art of aging, which is part of the abundant aging podcast series from United Church homes. And we are filming a series of shortcuts all around principle ideas in aging and the origins of many of our ages tropes that are addressed and we want to overcome the good works of frost Parker Center, which is part of the United Church homes with frost Parker center is the sponsor of this podcast series. And I’m so pleased to have the head of the Ruth Frost Parker center on the show with me today, Beth Long-Higgins Beth, welcome. Hello, Mike. Hey, hello again. And I say again, because we’ve been filming a couple of what we call shortcuts on these topics. And it is all in support of our annual symposium, which is coming up on Friday, October the fourth at the beautiful nationwide conference center in equally beautiful Columbus, Ohio. This year, the theme of the symposium is meaning purpose and redefining retirement with terrific speakers like Richard Eisenberg, and a hall and Janine Vanderburgh. To get your tickets and you can come and be with us in person, we hope to see your lovely faces in person. Or you can attend virtually more information UnitedChurchHomes.org/Parker-center. And Beth, the subject for this shortcut is aging is not a solo sport. Surprise. What does that mean?

Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 01:28
Yeah, this is a phrase that I like to use to help raise awareness that as we age, our need for community or need for individuals to help us becomes even more important than perhaps in earlier times in our life. I think one of the original sins of American culture is this idea that when we grow up we are to be individuals, and we can do it ourselves. You know, we don’t need help from mom and dad, and we can make decisions on our own. And we believe that is the goal. And the reality is that is not actually true at all. We are all in the interdependent and those relationships of those interdependencies vary from the fact that I don’t make my own clothes, I’m interdependent on other people for manufacturing, close to growing the food I eat, to having those individuals who surround me and help me with things that are much more routine. You could but you don’t live close enough to me, but I can’t take care of my car, you know, I am completely dependent on having a trustworthy car guy nearby,

02:40
on the best.

Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 02:44
So when we think about aging, then we need to be aware that we need to reshape our thinking about getting rid of this idea of being independent, and understanding interdependence. And to use the sports metaphor. It’s not a solo sport. And I love these commercials that have been going on during the Olympics. And there’s one that has this exact message that works for listeners, we are talking about the Paris Olympics. Thank you, Mike. And I don’t remember all of the individuals that are highlighted in this commercial, but they’re lifting up people who are engaged in individual support, but it talks about how they have a community of people that help them to get to that point, and the one is the weightlifter from New Zealand. And you see him and his graduates in his late weightlifting equipment. And at one point, you see the bell bar, and then you see his hands. And then there are a whole bunch of other hands on that bar, helping him to lift it. And then outside the garage, you have this group of kids who are singing some kind of chant or a song of encouragement, I don’t speak their language. I don’t know what it is, and Maori, yeah, Maori. And so who are those people who could stand outside our garage as we age that we’re giving this as these words of support who are there to offer their hands when the weight becomes too heavy? And who are the team members that we need, recognizing that those team members are going to change. And at some point, we need, you know, some points we may need a quarterback and other points we need, we may need a pitcher and in other points, we need the athletic trainer. I mean, you can mix your sports meta sports as much as you want. But we need to be assembling our teams as we age. Well,

Michael Hughes 04:31
That’s the thing. I saw this really depressing graph that really looked at age and the amount of the percentage of the time during the day that you will be spending that day alone. You know the percentage of time when you are going to spend the day alone. And of course, if you’re a kid, it’s almost nothing as you get into your school years as you get into your single years, married years, all of that and then of course as you start to enter your later years that tie that percentage It goes up and up and up and up. And that’s really depressing. At least to me. I mean, I know we always talk about social isolation, oh, social isolation is bad. Right? And some people are like, yeah, right. I mean, if somebody told me once about a doctor, he said, No, I met a woman, she said, It’s me. And God, that’s the relationship, I’m good with it, we’re fine. That lady would not present as much risk attached to isolation. But for many of us there, there is a significant risk. Right?

Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 05:33
Well, and even that individual needs other people to support her. Yeah. You know, see, you know, can’t you get to the grocery store? Or do you need to learn how to use the app and have the groceries delivered to you? Can you drive to the doctor’s? Or do you need to have a cadre of resources that are going to help you with your travel needs, and for people like myself, who tend to be more introverted, I love alone time. But I know that one of the things I need to be wary of as I age is, I have to force myself to go out and be with other people, because I could hold up in my house and be content for a very long period of time. And I also know what happens to me mentally when I do that. So as I age, that’s going to become even more, it’s going to become even more important.

Michael Hughes 06:28
I remember, there’s something I read recently, I think it was by Kurt Vonnegut, where, you know, he was leaving the house one day, and his wife said, What are you doing? So I’m gonna go get an envelope because I have to mail a letter. And she said, you know, you could just go on, you could order just a stack of envelopes if you wanted to. And he said, Yeah, but if I go out and get the envelope, then I get to see a funny dog, or then I get to see a kid and a mom going on their way to the bar or, you know, things like that. So it’s very, is that what stoicism is? I don’t know, I didn’t take philosophy. But it’s very, very interesting. I don’t know, reframe your interactions with the world. It’s not just a task, it’s just your opportunity to kind of like, see the world around you. I don’t know if I’m making sense. Yeah,

Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 07:12
absolutely. And the research is showing that those interactions that we have with a person in the grocery store, the checkout clerk at the drugstore, you know, waving to the male person, even if you don’t know their name, are extremely important and contribute to mental health as well. So that’s one of the dangers of the modern world, when we can have things delivered to our house late, but on the doorstep, we don’t even see who delivered it. So yeah, so who are all the team members that we need? around us? I think a key time of life to be thinking about this is when we transition out of our primary careers. Okay, you know, you and I don’t live in the same place, but we work together a lot. We’re talking together often. So once I leave my primary career and I am working together on a regular basis, do I have additional people that I’m talking to that I’m having stimulating conversations with? And I say later, oh, we should put that in a podcast.

Michael Hughes 08:12
Doing podcasts is so incredibly easy to believe even if we, you know, we’d be able to do it anytime. Yeah,

Rev. Beth Long-Higgins 08:18
yeah. So so so it’s everything from those nameless interactions, to the social interactions, uh, to the relationships that stimulate our intellectual abilities, to the relationship, the professional relationships, we need to have to care for us physically, to the supportive services that we need to bring in. We need to be thinking about what our team needs to look like right now. And know that team is going to change as our since we all are aging, and aging is all about change, as we change as we continue through life to know that we’re going to need different team members to come in at different points in time, because they’re also team members who are going to be leaving

Michael Hughes 08:59
for work. Right, right. And I hope you know, I think you know, we have Richard Eisenberg coming to the symposium this year. I’m hoping that maybe we can unpack that with him. I love his early, retired, often sentiment. And then with Anna, who we have, it’s really all going to be about just sort of finding purpose, rediscovering purpose in that energy, greed, ground yourself, you know, having with many having been defined by their career for decades and decades, and then you know, where do you go from there. So just calling that out, because, you know, we want you to attend. So Beth, thank you very much for covering this subject in this short. We’re not gonna be able to kind of address it all in this one. But just know that this is a subject that the Rufus Parker Center continues to explore to continue to engage in and wants voices to come into so that we can share and make this work more robust. more ideas, more interventions, more insights, please get involved with us. Please attend our symposium Friday, October 4 at the nationwide conference center in beautiful Columbus, Ohio. To attend in person or to find out more about attending online visit UnitedChurchhomes.org/Parker-center. Beth, thanks for being here. Thanks. And for our listeners, thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next time.